BHAKTI SAD ACARA – INFECTIOUS COMPASSION

His Holiness Bhakti Brhat Bhagavata Swami offered a course on vaisnava etiquette. Although it is nice to be familiar with vaisnava etiquette I did not have spontaneous eagerness for the topic. I wanted to attend the course for the purpose of association and growth. So I went.

"This will be easy, I can relax and enjoy hearing Maharaj speak on Bhakti Sadacara or may be he will go off topic, I love hearing him speak in Bhagavatam class." These thoughts are going through my mind in an evil attempt at controlling how I will enjoy this class. No submissive attitude in sight, just an enjoyer mentality. I am constantly reminded of why I am in this material world instead of with Krishna, I have a desire to enjoy separately from Him. I was in for a surprise.

First day, before we even start... SURRENDER!!!

I want to sit quietly and listen. Maharaj approaches me to lead a group. “Maharaj”, I said, “I really prefer not to lead” “It will be easy, all you have to do is facilitate. Thank you. You will lead a group.” My mind is repeating his words and alternating them with my own,

“SURRENDER, you don’t need to be in control of the situation.
TRUST in Krishna.
What is coming your way is meant for you... for your purification.
You have no idea what you need.
Trust in Krishna, surrender.”

"All leaders please come to the front." says Maharaj. A good friend had also been selected as leader but she refused, she couldn’t do it. This is the moment when she backed out. So now I have my team, a group of women I mostly don’t know. My friend is not with me. That is OK, everything is according to Krishna's plan. I am choosing to accept what is coming my way. We were asked to prepare 2-4 plays enacting different situations wherein vaisnava behaviors were manifested. I have a new mantra resounding in my head:

“Surrender, surrender, surrender,
don’t wear masks, you are who you are,
nothing more, nothing less,
just do your best, it is good enough.”

Especially when I am in what I choose to see as stressful situations I have had the tendency to escape in borrowed identities but not this time. It is all due to pride, and thinking I can pretend to be better than I am. Today I will be who I am and serve the devotees by facilitating their group work, best I can, it is good enough.

“Surrender, surrender, surrender, don’t wear masks,
you are who you are, nothing more, nothing less...”

That had been my conclusion after Mahatma prabhu's forgiveness seminar. I would hang on to this new belief.

I knew I had to take this Bhakti Sadacara seminar. I didn’t quite know what to expect, what was in it for me? I would find out day by day.

The first evening as I walked around the Mayapur complex, I met another leader from the class.

“How are you doing with your team? Will you be done in time? Are you worried?”

I was worried, not legitimate worries just worried about looking good. What is the use of such a worry cluttering my mind. Then he said the magic words that set me free from the false identification my sick false ego was coaching me to assume:

“Just have fun with it, don’t worry”

Something about these familiar words just set me straight. I was for the time being, free from the grasp of pride and control. I knew it. I knew I had to relax and give up any idea of control, but I needed to hear it, Krishna takes good care of me, he sent me the right person strolling around the compound. Thank you, Krishna.

Over the 5 days, we discussed all the different aspects of Bhakti Sadacara, with a special focus on offending devotees and how to obtain forgiveness. Sometimes it was difficult to hear. There is no hope for one who has offended a devotee and is not forgiven. Somehow one must be forgiven in other to progress. Somehow find a way to be forgiven. I was remembering the story of Durvasa Muni and Ambarisa Maharaj. Only the forgiveness of Ambarisa could free Durvasa Muni. How great was Ambarisa Maharaj who saw himself as the offender, such a lesson to be learned in this story.

“if you are unable to concentrate on your japa, if you do not see Krishna
when you are chanting, there has to be an offense you are committing."

Is a vaisnava aparadha keeping me away from Krishna? an offense to a devotee? Although unworthy of forgiveness, I beg forgiveness to all those I have offended knowingly or unknowingly throughout my many lives.

I sometimes answered questions or asked questions, it felt good to not be right, to not know everything, it felt good... and especially it felt real. Maharaj is strict, with compassion.

As I went home every night I felt uplifted and would look at my day. What was said? What was done that caused this in me? It was hard to pin point. I was learning surrender and humility while Maharaj was teaching respectful vaisnava behaviors. Is it a coincidence? I receive knowledge on Bhakti Sadacara but also what I needed most, so did everyone else.

Maharaj did talk about humility on one of the days however, it was mostly through example that I was learning. First you have to be honest, no pretending (no masks), then as you learn to tolerate up to 100% you will reach humility.

trinad api sunichena

taror api sahishnuna

amanina manadena

kirtaniyah sada harih

"One should chant the holy name of the Lord in a humble state of mind, thinking oneself lower than the straw in the street; one should be more tolerant than a tree, devoid of all sense of false prestige, and should be ready to offer all respect to others. In such a state of mind one can chant the holy name of the Lord constantly." - Caitanya Mahaprabhu's Siksastakam #3

On the 4th day there was an amazing performance facilitated by the leader I had met on the first night, the "Just have fun with it" leader. The group's performance touched everyone in the room. They managed to instill strong feelings of stress, anxiety, even hatred to the audience. They had been assigned to display what a vaisnava aparadha is and were very creative, powerful. It was all pervading, the emotions temporarily covered our communal consciousness just like a thick, dark cloud. This is when I started to understand what had been happening to me, how this seminar was impacting me.

It was the getting together of more than 60 sincere devotees focused on spiritual growth that had been so uplifting. More than 60 remarkable devotees, plus one amazing leader who knew how to tame my pride, created this spiritual atmosphere that we were all able to take home with us. It was our collective energy that was so powerful, the potency of vaisnava association. An infectious compassion was entering my stone like heart.

Vanca kalpa tarubhyas ca
krpa sindhubhya eva ca
patitanam pavanebhyo
Vaisnavebhyo namo namah

I offer my respectful obeisances unto all the Vaisnava devotees of the Lord.
They are just like desire trees who can fulfill the desires of everyone,
and they are full of compassion for the fallen conditioned souls

Friendships were created, growth stimulated, offenses forgiven. Maharaj could finally relax after 5 days of being strong and stern in compassionately working with us, teaching us. We all rested as we were exhausted from the growth we just experienced and Maharaj left for Delhi en route to Africa for more teaching, more seminars.

Let this verse from Vaisnava Das, a vaisnava poet that Srila Gour Govinda Maharaja would often quote, be my inspiration:

vaisnavera guna gana,
korile jivera trana

suniache sadhu-guru mukhe

"I have heard from the lips of sadhu-guru,
if you glorify a devotee, you will be delivered very easily.
Krishna will be very pleased and you will get his mercy very easily."

Only in Mayapur do we get so many variegated opportunities for transcendental growth and training. Mayapur, a community of devotees wanting to advance in their spirituality, getting closer to Radha Madhava's pure devotional service and love.

More next time, as I slowly and happily take one step at a time towards Radha and Krishna's Love and pray for the mercy of the vaisnavas without whose mercy I am lost.

Begging to remain the servant of your servants.