Wednesday, March 30, 2011

BIRTH – DISEASE – OLD AGE – DEATH


I lay in bed fighting an infection, nothing severe but the mind wanders. I had this before in Canada, let’s see how it unfolds here in the Dham.

What am I to learn from it?
I pray for the blessings of Caitanya Mahaprabhu who still dances in ecstasy daily in the field beside my room with his Harinam party after leaving Srivas's house, or walks as a child to Jagadisa and Hyranya's house just across the Jalangi looking for Visnu maha prasad rice on ekadasi. I bow before this most merciful Lord and His associates, who have allowed this soul their shelter.

These thoughts come to mind.

This body whom I have serve for so many years, is an impostor, a traitor.

Everyday of my life I serve this body. being convinced it is the self. In exchange for promises of happiness I serve this body. It is constantly competing for my attention. If by Krishna's causeless mercy, I meet with a moment of sanity wherein I engage in true Krishna smaranam, it quickly calls me to attention.

“I am tired, I am hungry,
I am uncomfortable,
I need to do something, blah blah blah....”

Time has come that I should know better than to identify with it. Who is this body parading as the self? Identifying with this body, mind and intelligence must be the hardest disease to fight. Only by Krishna’s mercy is there any hope of recovery.

Feeding it, resting it, cleansing it, clothing it, lodging it, taking it out on walks, listening to the wanderings of the mind, satisfying the intellect with trivial speculations and unnecessary understandings. Too much service is being rendered already from the so called master to its vehicle. How has the vehicle become the master? Did "I" allow this? Did "I" engineer this parody?

Now that I am getting older, it is claiming more attention. Maybe a doctor will assuage the suffering I am undergoing. May be a friend will listen to my wining complaints in hope of lessening my awareness of the pain. Not being satisfied with my service, it now seeks to employ others. It is a last effort, desperate effort to get more attention in this life than I am able to provide alone.

When will it surrender to being a medium, only a vehicle for me to render service. When will I teach it its position, instead of identifying with it? It never gets enough attention. It is pursuing Krishna’s position, the center, the cynosure of all eyes. I am servant, eternal servant, never God. This ego is false, temporary, sick. I am not this body. Aham brahmasmi, Sat Chit Ananda, one tenth thousands the size of a tip of a hair and full of eternity knowledge and bliss. Not full of pus, blood, mucus trying to be god…

This body is an embarrassment?... Really?

After tricking me into believing it was my private kingdom to reign over and enjoy, will I now have to submit to endless poking and prodding by teams of professionals exploring areas of this vehicle I vaguely knew existed. Even this embarrassment I am feeling is certainly due to identification... just as I thought I was beginning to see clearly. I still have far more work to do.

I pray for the day when this false, temporary, sick ego leaves me alone, alone with my eternal Friends, serving not it, an illusory sense of self but serving Radha and Krishna selflessly, with no attention to discomforts associated with the mind or an ill, awkward and aging body.

Dear Nrsingha deva I need your protection from my worst enemy.
He resides in and around me.
I am surrounded by this false, sick ego.
Let me find freedom from its demands and entanglement at your lotus feet.
Allow me to shed this covering interfering with my closeness to Your divine service.

Birth, disease, old age, and death may they bring me to the right destination, free from this seemingly eternal cycle. I pray to learn my lesson(s) in this life.

Back home in this life?

Today is one year since my God-brother Grahila left us to go back to Krishna. Hours before his departure in talking to a God-brother he said: "I am sorry that you have to stay and suffer, soon I will be there." It was with great anticipation for his eternal destination that he gave up eating and drinking, gave up maintaining a broken vehicle and finally departed on Papamochani ekadasi. All glories to Grahila prabhu.

Everyone who was there, felt from the core of their heart that he, an ordinary (!) faithful disciple, lover of Srila Prabhupada, achieved his goal, Krishna's eternal service and company.

Krishna let me accept the discomforts associated with this body
as a means of purification, bringing me closer to eternal service to Your devotees.


Battle is over, I raise the white flag. I raise both arms in prayer \0/.
In this moment, I surrender, as YOU wish.

I thank You for this opportunity to seek Your shelter in this most holy dham, wherein I now, and now again, welcome this purification. I pray for clarity of consciousness so that I may always welcome purification.

One step at a time, walking towards Radha Krishna's service and love,

Your servant.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear Mother Yasomati,
Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
Thank you for sharing your honest and innermost realizations about this high maintenance, rotting vehicle. I was wondering if you could offer from experience, your thoughts on how to be happy when although we practice relating with others as spirit souls, and have loosened our identification with our own body, others continue to see us and relate to us as a body (with all its other material designations).
Your servant,
Kalindi

Yasomati said...

In reply to Kalindi who says: "... how to be happy when although we practice relating with others as spirit souls, and have loosened our identification with our own body, others continue to see us and relate to us as a body...

Hare Krishna Kalindi,

You have no control over others relating to you as spirit soul or not. Even over your own seeing everyone as spirit soul, you have limited control; that stage of samah darsinah can only be attained by the mercy of guru and Krishna.

You probably heard the prayer "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

It is the same serenity that is described in Bhagavad Gita 2.14: O son of Kuntī, the non permanent appearance of happiness and distress, and their disappearance in due course, are like the appearance and disappearance of winter and summer seasons. They arise from sense perception, O scion of Bharata, and one must learn to tolerate them without being disturbed, and BG 12.15: "He for whom no one is put into difficulty and who is not disturbed by anyone, who is equipoised in happiness and distress, fear and anxiety, is very dear to Me."

The solution to finding that serenity is the same as for every "How to" question. The process for this age is to chant the holy name of the Lord Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare, Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare.

It is the means to attain the goal of our lives and once we attain the goal of our lives, it becomes our pastime because once you realize Krishna's presence in His name, how can you stop chanting.

I hope this addresses your question satisfactorily.

ys Yasomati dd

Anonymous said...

Hare Krishna Mother Yasomati,

Perfect! You have reminded me of the potency of the holy names; your gift to me this Ekadasi morning...

Thanks

Your servant,
Kalindi

Anonymous said...

need to check

Anonymous said...

I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought
this post was great. I don't know who you are but definitely you are going to a famous
blogger if you aren't already ;) Cheers!

Yasomati said...

Hare Krishna dear Anonymous,
I take this as a blessing. Thank you very much.
Every writer wants to be read. I stopped writing for a while as I was travelling quite a bit but I am back, you can always find me @ yasomatidevidasi.com