Attractions and repulsions, will I entertain them?

The other day, as we were taking darshan, someone asked about Advaita Acharya’s stance, is he dancing? I had never thought of it before. Next time I was downstairs in the temple room it became so obvious to me that I had to share it with everyone I saw. Sri Advaita Acharya prayed for the coming of the Lord and now as He shows us Nimai Nitai, he is making the gesture: “Here they are, avail yourself of their causeless mercy.” Next to Him stands Nityananda, He is pointing at the feet of Caitanya Mahaprabhu, so is Gadadhara from the other side, and then finally Srivas, praying as we should all do. Jaya Pancatatva!

Chant Hare Krishna and your life will be sublime, I want to shout it on the roof top so everyone can hear, yet I still have this attachment that prevents me from externally expressing this feeling. We are so fortunate, the path has been paved by Sri Pancatatva and our predecessor acharyas. Easy process, one life time process, no more. One life time, not thousands of years of meditation, one life time. It only takes one moment to fully surrender. Make Krishna the center of your life and receive Krishna prema. Do not become a soul-killer, take good care of your self-realization, do not kill your Self. In this way my mind is being trained.

asurya nama te loka

andhena tamasavrtah

tams te pretyabhigacchanti

ye ke catma-hano janah

"The killer of the soul, whoever he may be, must enter into the planets known as the worlds of the faithless, full of darkness and ignorance"

This verse describes the demons as atma-hana, killers of the soul… when one does not cultivate spiritual understanding, when he does not try to free the eternal soul—himself—from the cycle of repeated birth and death, he becomes a killer of the soul. He is killing himself by refusing to accept spiritual instruction about the soul and how it can be liberated from material bondage. (Sri Isopanishad verse 3).

Achieving liberation from birth and death is not difficult, but one must take guidance from a bona fide, self-realized spiritual master who has understood the Absolute Truth. (Srila Prabhupada – B.T.G. 12-07 1977)

My mind wonders, am I killing my Self? Am I a slave to my desires, attractions, repulsions? Are my endeavors to maintain my status, my reputation, my relationships, my finances, my security etc… are they killing my soul? I have to constantly check what is getting in the way of my purification, be ready to re-assess, and pray to Radha Madhava for their compassion on this conditioned soul who without their mercy, is truly helpless.

Sometimes I offer to take devotees prayers to Sri Sri Radha Madhava, sometimes I take prayers also without being asked directly. I also have my own prayers. I say prayers, but most of the time they are wishes, requests. I don’t like to see Radha as a merchant and coming to her with a list but then again what other shelter is there, who else can answer our prayers.

Visvanath Chakravarti Thakur describes the pure devotee lamentation over his glorification efforts thus: “… I was rudely comparing Your dark limbs to the fresh monsoon cloud, the blue lotus and the sapphire. Your beautiful face to the moon, and the tenderness of your feet to newly spouted leaves. Now seeing your real beauty I realize that by my poor intelligence I was clearly offending You. I was trying to compare half a useless mustard seed to the golden mount Meru, a chick pea to a touchstone, a jackal to a lion, or a mosquito to Garuda. Thinking then “I am praising the Lord”….

After reading such a passage I am feeling even more useless with my list of wishes. Yet I still pray to Radha, daily, with hardly any attempts at futile descriptions of her beauty or qualities.

“My dear Sri Radha, this devotee wants success, this devotee wants health, this devotee wants wealth, please be merciful to them.” Then I hear this voice inside my head, “why ask for so little when Radha can give Krishna Prema.” Is this voice inspired by Radha, by Srila Prabhupada or Paramatma, or simply my own mind? I will never know but I welcome the message.

“I truly and only want Krishna Prema, let that be my desire and focus, please remove all other desires, attractions and repulsions; let them all melt away at the sound of the holy name, let me take shelter of these names and remind myself of my true essence and purpose”

More next time.

Happily and slowly taking one step at a time towards Radha and Krishna's Love.

your ever servant of the servants