WHAT IS YOUR ADDICTION???

One of the luxuries of living in Mayapur is the availability of different books by our leaders. There are 2 main kinds of books as far as I am concerned. The ones that give you information that may feed your pride and the ones that awaken your soul.

I remember being here around Gaura Purnima time. There were always many book tables full of nectar. I haven't lived in Mayapur in many years and somehow I feel joyfully overwhelmed at all the nectar I have to catch up on, without counting the eternal nectar found in Srila Prabhupada's books that is still available to me.

In the course or co-writing a book on living, dying and grieving as a devotee, I was looking up a quote by H.H. Bhakti Tirtha Swami on grieving, from his book Spiritual Warrior IV. I found myself attracted by a couple chapters further in the book: "Addiction and the process of recovery" and started reading. It led me on a reading journey that I don’t regret as he has touched my soul.

Have you ever read 3 books at a time, not sure which one you wanted to read first? I found myself simultaneously reading Spiritual Warriors IV, Spiritual Warrior V and The Beggar IV. I may have been more puzzled but I only had these 3 with me that day. The following is a meditation from The Beggar II.

"Dear lord, is there really any difference between me and the recovering alcoholic?
In the beginning, the alcoholic spends years in denial of his addiction, feeling that
he is in control and can check his drinking any time he desires. But how do I really differ? You see, I am the one who is in denial - not for years - but for hundreds of lifetimes. I have continually taken shelter of my week constitution, thinking myself to be in utter control. But when it comes to cleaning the garbage that resides in my mind, I remain at a total loss..."

What is your addiction, what is my addiction?

Am I addicted to endlessly trying to enjoy Krishna's opulences as my own?

Do I stubbornly try to find in me His beauty? even the most beautiful will get old.

His renunciation? what a great expression of false ego, setting oneself up as controller of his/her body’s demands.

His knowledge? information without wisdom makes man/woman proud.

His fame, His strength? What futile attempts undertaken by the jiva! These endeavors bring about an illusion of control and supremacy, ultimately only feeding his/her negativity as he/she is doomed to failure.

Am I addicted to seeing this body as the Self? Wanting to keep face as I sink into illusion and delusion? Identification with the body, its hankerings, desires, ways of being is a painful addiction as it can never be satiated. For how many births have I tried to satisfy the mind and false ego? For how many more births will I try?

"Krishna please save me from this illusion
as only You can. Maya is too strong."

The nature of the soul is sat-chit-ananda, eternity, knowledge and bliss. Yes BLISS, no wonder we are looking for pleasure, It is part of our eternal make up or identity to be blissful. Only, we are looking at the wrong places. In trying to enjoy separately from Krishna you can only reach this illusion of enjoyment, the shadow of pleasure which ultimately causes pain.

Śrīmad Bhāgavatam 4.20.5

Those who are in full knowledge of the bodily conception of life, who know
that this body is composed of nescience, desires and activities
resulting from illusion, do not become addicted to the body.

In taking the time to analyze ourselves and others we can see that everyone in this world – safe the liberated souls – suffers from one kind of dependency or another.

It may be that subconsciously we are looking for that ecstasy that is available to the true lovers of God. As only they are aloof, truly transcendental to the calling of sense pleasures including those of the mind.

"Krishna, please let me taste the nectar of pure love so
that my attraction to the pale material energy becomes dissipated."

The author of Spiritual Warriors IV, His Holiness Bhakti Tirtha Swami recommends that the whole world should take advantage of the extraordinary power of programs such as Alcoholic Anonymous Twelve Steps. He says:

“The process is so extraordinary that if people throughout the world would take advantage of these Twelve Steps, it could trigger a global mind shift The program contains many tenets that can allow people to gain a tremendous shift in consciousness and help them accelerate in their understanding of the Self.”

In order to give up something one has to replace it with a higher pleasure.

“…Just never settle for the imitation intoxication of the material dimension.
Instead always hanker to partake of the real sweetness of
spiritual inebriation by embracing the actual altered state
that exists in pure love of God.” (Spiritual Warriors IV – p. 224)

It is natural for the soul to want to feel that bliss, happiness, joy, temporarily felt in an intoxicated state, as this state is also tasted in pure love of God in an unfathomable intensity. We are uselessly looking for bliss in the wrong place. It is in loving God, Krishna that we will find this bliss not in imitating Him or in identifying with a mortal, gross and subtle body.

Today I want to give up my search for material pleasures of the mind and false ego. I want to taste the bliss of loving God.

More next time.

Happily and slowly taking one step at a time towards Radha and Krishna's Love.

your ever servant of the servants

Another Birthday, Another Appearance Day!

Last week was my birthday. This year my birthday was on Citra Sakhi's appearance day. Somehow I felt blessed that this one time my birthday fell on such a nice day. I celebrated a Mayapur birthday.

Because of time difference I spent early morning chatting in turns with my children and husband living in Canada and accepted happily their wishes for my happiness and spiritual pursuits.

On that day, we, Guru-seva and I, had planned to share some maha prasad, feed the cows and go to bathe in Ganga, weather permitting. Bathing in the Ganga is very powerful as it has the power of cleansing your heart from sins.

Somehow Guru-seva arranged for a large amount of bananas for us to distribute. The Goshalla is so big now with elevated platforms for the cows, sheltered from both harsh sun rays and flooding. On one side the mamas, the other side the boys, yet another level, the babies. There is even a "dairy bar" selling lassis, ghee, etc... It is very clean and organized, The cows look happy, so do the cowherd boys.

There were guests visiting the cows when we got there. India still loves their cows. The guests were happy to see that each one of our cows has a name as indicated by the different signs posted here and there. They also were happy to be speaking to us, some English, some Bengali, nice interaction. Srila Prabhupada refers to us as his white elephants. Local people are always impressed to see foreigners take up Krishna consciousness. We were born with so much facility for sense gratification but found no taste in that life style. We had all opportunities, many of us born in wealthy families in opulent settings, yet we chose to follow Srila Prabhupada. This is our preaching.

We fed the oxen. Somehow it felt right, many of them were very young, and it was fun to see them eagerly making their way to get the bananas, lifting their muzzles above each other trying to be the one who would get the fruit. We kept changing position to give an opportunity to others to get a taste. Guru-seva's daughter and grand-daughter also came and were feeding cows and calves as well. We had a good time.

Time was advancing and we wanted to go bathe in the Ganga so we left and made our way to the gath across Bhaktisiddhanta road. There was a boat getting loaded with huge silver jute bundles, harvest of jute must have been difficult this year as there was insufficient rain but somehow they must have managed, the boat was full. We waited a bit while different men finishing their work day came to bathe. Life is so simple, for them, 2 cloths one they wear the other they carry. They change the cloths wash the one they had been wearing and there they go, laundry, bath all done, in a matter of minutes. The Ganga became ours to worship, honor and enjoy, just at the right time, as the sun was preparing to set. As usual we first offer obeisances to mother Ganga, offer her a little water, put water first on our heads and then walk in. We were able to chant gayatri in the water and return home while it was still light, although the sky had become reddish.

There it was, a simple birthday party, a little maha prasad from Radha Madhav and special sweet offered in honor of Citra Sakhi, exchanges with my supportive family, a little welcoming of pilgrims, a little feeding Krishna's cows and cleansing our soul in the Ganga, all in association with wonderful devotees.

I am ready to start another year.

More next time.

Happily and slowly taking one step at a time towards Radha and Krishna's Love.

your ever servant of the servants

Visit to Rajpur

While living in Mayapur, you meet so many people. Some are coming for visits, for prayers, for bringing ashes, for service or a combination of these reasons. If you desire you can find opportunities to join them on different parikramas.

It is the anniversary of Chudamani mataji’s mother’s departure, Siddharupa mataji. She had a special connection to Jagannath of Rajpur. She also was a Nitya Seva donor for that temple (one time donation of Rs 25,000 kept in an endowment fund for eternity to maintain the Lord's worship). Every year, on the anniversary of her donation, she would receive a letter thanking her and sending some Tulsi prasad. All Nitya Seva donors get that but there was something special about this mataji as she would infallibly dream of Jagannath on the eve of receiving this card. She would see Prabhupada leading her towards Jagannath at the crossing of roads, he would show her the way to Him.

As her death drew closer, she often dreamed of Jagannath. Once on Pasankusa Ekadasi, mid October, she dreamed that Jagannath called her over, “Come, come, come take prasad” There were so many clay pots full of prasad everywhere, lots of prasad. Jagannath kept telling her to come, she said it took her a long time to walk to Him, it was far. When she woke up, Chudamani, had arrived in the hospital with some Ekadasi prasad and proceeded to give it to her. "No, no thank you I am full I just ate" she was very exited to share her dream with her grown children who were there. “This was in your dream, you have to eat something for real” said Chudamani. "No, no I am very full. Please get me some water.” Chudamani got maha water for her. She was very thankful, more than is normal in ordinary dealings. How many times had Chudamani given. her partially paralyzed mother, water; it was just normal to bring her water. She drank gratefully, and said loudly: “Hari bol" breathing her last with her arms in the air, celebrating Krishna’s name. Glorious exit.

She passed away a year ago today, we honored her memory and shared prasad amongst the internet devotees, Mayapur.TV and Mayapur.com.

We were late for lunch artik but we sang for the Lord for about 30 minutes before He went to rest (or play) for the afternoon. He was dressed very opulently; His clothes looked like they were made entirely of jewels.

Some of us were lucky to receive garlands from Jagannath Swami, the merciful lord who chose ISKCON as His home from its early days.

Heading back we took a small detour to an area behind the temple where ISKCON owns land. We wanted to see the land. It is currently a thinly planted mango grove. As we walked in between mud houses to get there, we admired the different eatable plants growing, the villagers shared with us their knowledge, yes it is oll, yes this is kochu… they were eager to interact as though we were celebrities walking through their village.

On the way back I pointed to a mud hut I found attractive, It was a workshop where they kept their loom, it had a half completed simple sari stretched on it. We sat there enjoying the peace and tranquility these types of dwellings foster. Just earth, so cool in summer and temperate in winter, it feels like you are close to mother Bhumi, at peace, without destroying nature or environment.

Subhangi mataji who was with us would like to start a project based on the revival of this simple living within ISKCON, sort of a pioneer village a 500 years ago village and team park. Sitting in the shade of this mud room, we sat for a while then headed back.

More next time.

Happily and slowly taking one step at a time towards Radha and Krishna's Love.

your ever servant of the servants