ATTACHMENT TO MILK... OR KRISHNA?

Recently, I have been reflecting on this question, why do I chant Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare?

Let me share with you the beginning of my journey with Sri Nama, from arrogance and defiance to duty, attachment and the rest…

I was going to school, catholic high school, and had been assigned to study different religious groups including the Hare Krishna’s. It was a group project and my very studious girl friends had gone to the Montreal Radha Krishna Temple set up in an old bowling alley on Park avenue. They wanted my opinion on this temple, I was trying to do as little work as possible on the project being very aloof and disinterested in life in general what to speak of a school assignment. Next to Mount Royal, a bit of nature in the center of the city, was the home of Jagannath Subhadra and Balaram and may be as many as a dozen devotees. It was very close to McGill University and walking distance to the main downtown shopping area.

Armed with the pride, arrogance and defiance of a sixteen year old ready to confront the world without fear, I visited the temple. One devotee was assigned to answer our questions (challenges). He had been living in the temple for at least 2 weeks so he was considered knowledgeable enough to tackle our questions and I must say he was just perfect, just what I/we needed. Unable to provide responses to all my demanding queries, he simply said: “why don’t you try chanting Hare Krishna? All your answers will be revealed, you see, the proof of the pudding is really in the tasting.” I started chanting, convinced that I could prove him wrong. I started chanting out of challenging arrogance, far from pure chanting yet this name is very powerful.

At one point it became duty. I am not sure when, I remember in early days enjoying my chanting and never wanting to stop, receiving glimpse of taste for the holy name. It may have been when I was raising my family, when four children and the maintenance of household affairs took their toll on my priorities, rendering my chanting to a mere status of duty, habit.

By the performance of sadhana bhakti (dutiful regulated devotional service) sometimes, out of Krishna’s causeless mercy, one will be touched by sprinkles of saffron dust from His lotus feet. As a result somehow, one cannot stop doing his/her seva although not yet immersed in pure loving feelings.

This dust creates the kind of attachment to service that is pregnant with love for Krishna, Krishna prema. Sri Caitanya mahaprabhu, embodiment of both pure love and the beloved prays:

namnam akari bahudha nija-sarva-shaktis 

tatrarpita niyamitah smarane na kalah 

etadrishi tava kripa bhagavan mamapi 

durdaivam idrisham ihajani nanuragaha 

O my Lord, Your holy name alone can render all benediction to living beings, and thus You have hundreds and millions of names, like Krsna and Govinda. In these transcendental names You have invested all Your transcendental energies. There are not even hard and fast rules for chanting these names. O my Lord, out of kindness You enable us to easily approach You by Your holy names, but I am so unfortunate that I have no attraction for them. 

When will I be attracted to the Name, from my heart, spontaneously?

The other day while observing the caturmasya vrata, milk fast, I saw the milk man carrying a full bucket of milk. The sight of that milk, a rich creamy white colour, full of natural sweetness, drew me like iron fillings to a magnet. I could have put both cupped hands in the bucket retrieving ambrosia, I wanted to not only drink it but also feel it. Missing drinking milk, I was feeling an impulsive pull towards the object of my senses. There was no reasoning, just an automatic attraction. It seems so mundane and laughable in retrospect.

This sentiment was a gift, a way for me to begin to understand what it is like to have spontaneous attraction for Krishna whose company I rejected, long ago.

When will my attraction for the holy Name also come from my heart, unannounced, untamed, drawing me to Him the way I felt drawn towards that milk?

When will my hankering for association with the holy name come from within?

When will I feel hunger for the Name, hunger for Krishna in his yuga avatar?

There are 4 different reasons why someone usually chants as described by Srila Bhaktivinode Thakur.

1. Fear: what will happen if I don’t chant?
This type of mentality is very obvious for those who see the Supreme person as a punishing God, not a loving God. It is predominant amongst Christians.

2. Hope: will I become free from material suffering? Will I enjoy the pleasures of heaven?
This feeling may also belong to those seeking liberation. What is the use of liberation? At this point it appears boring to me.

3. Duty: I have to, I said I would.
This reason is inherent to the path of sadhana bhakti, both vaidhi sadhana bhakti and raganuga sadhana bhakti. At the vaidhi stage of devotional service, there is no spontaneity whereas at the raganuga stage although externally the practices may appear the same, they are not forced; they are naturally arising from spiritual attachment.  (based on Srila Prabhupada’s Nectar of Devotion - Rupa Goswami’s Bhakti Rasamrta sindhu).

4. Love: Unconditional this reason stands alone and requires no explanation. It is the highest, it is our aim.

There is one additional category, chanting to seek forgiveness from offending the Holy Name. When one offends a vaisnava, the atonement prescribed is to serve that devotee. Similarly when one offends the holy name, it is recommended that one serves the Holy Name to make amends. Of course, there can also be mixed reasons for chanting.


WHAT IS AN OFFENSE TO THE HOLY NAME?

The Ten Offenses in Chanting the Holy Names 
(as described in Srila Prabhupada's Nectar of Devotion)

1. To blaspheme the devotees who have dedicated their lives to the propagation of the holy names of the Lord.

This offense is probably the most dangerous as it comes in a disguise. We may think we are engaging in “constructive criticism” meanwhile we are carelessly judging others. The allurement of this offense is that it provides us with a temporary feeling of superiority, righteousness. It has devastating effects that can be felt immediately, by the introspective devotee. We have no idea who we are dealing with, who is this person next to us that we choose to criticize, or how dear he/she is to Krishna. Therefore it is a safe path to focus on the qualities of others and our own faults.

2. To consider the names of the demigods like lord Shiva or lord Brahma to be equal to, or independent of, the name of Lord Vishnu.

I feel very fortunate that not having heard anything about Brahma or Siva prior to meeting Srila Prabhupada, I do not have any tendency to compare Krishna’s beautiful names, qualities and pastimes to demigods. It is none the less something to watch for.

3. To disobey the orders of the spiritual master.

4. To blaspheme the Vedic literature or literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.

5. To consider the glories of chanting Hare Krishna as imagination.

6. To give mundane interpretation of the holy name of the Lord.

Ajamila escaped the Yamadutas

There are several translations provided for the maha mantra. The one Srila Prabhupada most often quoted is “My dear Lord Krishna, dear Radha, please engage me in your service.” Hare, Krishna and Rama are all in vocative form meaning calling out to Radha, Krishna. One can call out in surrender, in love, in separation, in desperation … but calling must be there. If one is only chanting unconsciously, he/she may reach liberation, he may be able to ward off the Yamadutas as did Ajamila, but he will not be able to reach a loving relationship with Krishna in one of the five primary rasas, the ultimate goal of my life.

Whenever we call a friend by his/her name, immediately in our minds we see them. The way they act, talk, move, dress… what is stopping us from making this connection between Krishna and His names? Do we know Him as well as our friend? What does He do? How does He act, talk, move, dress? We can increase our connection to Krishna by hearing the descriptions of his qualities and activities and remembering it. By getting to know Him once again. Once that bond is firmly established we will certainly feel Krishna’s presence and be able to remember our eternal position in His lila.

7. To commit sinful activities on the strength of chanting the holy names of the Lord.

8. To consider the chanting of Hare Krishna as one of the auspicious, ritualistic activities which are offered in the Vedas as fruitive activities (karma-kanda).

9. To instruct a faithless person about the glories of the holy name.

10. To not have complete faith in the chanting of the holy names and to maintain material attachments even after understanding so many instructions on this matter. It is also offensive to be inattentive while chanting.

Srila Bhaktisiddhanta
Sarasvati Thakur

To not have complete faith includes faith that Krishna and his name can completely take care of you, in every aspect. There is no need for separate endeavors. Srila Bhaktisidhanta Sarasvati Thakur who is known for his strong speeches and uncompromising determination says:

“Those who think that all wants cannot be fulfilled by the performance of Harinam samkirtan, to that extent,
such people are atheists.” 

100% faith,100% surrender, 100% theism. Maintaining material attachments? How many of us still have material attachments? Or rather who does not have material attachments? We are not speaking only about wanting that red sports car or the big house in the country, but also being desire to be recognized, loved, having a certain standard of living, wanting our children to succeed materially... These are also material attachments. The attachments of the intelligence, mind and false ego are also in the material realm.

Inattentive while chanting?

It is not possible to control the mind by one’s own endeavor. Only with Krishna’s helps and the help of others on the path,  can it be achieved. The mind and the mantra are of two different realms, material and spiritual. In order for the mind to be in the mantra and the mantra to be in the mind, constant prayer and dependence in the Lord and his pure devotees’ mercy is the only option.

We can take comfort in the understanding that a constant effort to avoid these offenses will bring one to the clearing stage (namabhasa), gradually moving towards pure chanting (sudha nama). By carefully guarding against these ten offenses one can quickly achieve the desired success, Krishna Prema.

Having taken birth in this material world, we are plagued by a sick ego. The ego is ill and needs help; there is no better medicine in this age than the chanting of the Holy Name, it is a perfect medicine for everyone in this age.

kali-kale nāma-rupe krsna-avatara

nāma haite haya sarva-jagat-nistāra

"In this Age of Kali, the holy name of the Lord, the Hare Kṛṣṇa mahā-mantra, is the incarnation of Lord Kṛṣṇa. Simply by chanting the holy name, one associates with the Lord directly. Anyone who does this is certainly delivered. (Śrī Caitanya Caritāmṛta Ādi 17.22)

kṛte yad dhyāyato viṣṇuḿ tretāyāḿ yajato makhaiḥ
dvāpare paricaryāyāḿ kalau tad dhari-kīrtanāt.

"Whatever result was obtained in Satya-yuga by meditating on Viṣṇu, in Tretā-yuga by performing sacrifices and in Dvāpara-yuga by serving the Lord's lotus feet can also be obtained in Kali-yuga simply by chanting the Hare Kṛṣṇa mahā-mantra.'(Śrī Caitanya Caritāmṛta Madhya 20.345) 

DOES LOVE REPLACE ATTACHMENT AND DUTY? 

When a mother is serving a growing baby in her womb, serving by accepting the discomforts that come with pregnancy, her service gradually turns to love. Daily eating the right things sleeping the right amount, thinking about the baby how he must feel, want, look, move. Her love for the baby grows as does the baby, through service and remembrance, absorption in thought related to the baby.

When the baby is born, regardless of his appearance, gender, health etc… the love she feels is the most humanly ecstatic emotion, yet they are meeting for the first time. She has no hesitation spending sleepless nights caring for the baby, nor does she take offense if the baby urinates on her, her love is selfless, she cannot be separated from the baby yet it is not addiction, it is selfless love. The love of the mother for her baby is the closest to love of God because there is no expectation in return. That love is born from service and constant remembering, 9 months of constant service.

Srila Prabhupada chanting
Hare Krishna japa.

Similarly by serving the holy name, chanting regularly if not constantly, as prescribed by Caitanya Mahaprabhu, gradually the heart becomes cleanse, creating a fertile environment for love for Krishna to mature. This is why I chant Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare

ceto-darpana-marjanam bhava-maha-davagni-nirvapanam 

shreyah-kairava-chandrika-vitaranam vidya-vadhu-jivanam 

anandambudhi-vardhanam prati-padam purnamritaswadanam 

sarvatma-snapanam param vijayate sri-krishna-sankirtanam 

Glory to the Sri-Krsna-Sankirtana, which cleanses the heart of all the dust accumulated for years and extinguishes the fire of conditional life, of repeated birth and death. This sankirtana movement is the prime benediction for humanity at large because it spreads the rays of the benediction moon. It is the life of all transcendental knowledge. It increases the ocean of transcendental bliss, and it enables us to fully taste the nectar for which we are always anxious. (Siksastakam-1) 

It is best to chant out of pure love. Vaidhi bhakti leads to Raganuga bhakti, spontaneous service which is on the path to pure love, prema. Regulated service leads to attachment and love. So first one takes the medicine, regularly and sincerely practicing, praying for that spontaneous feeling to arise; then it is replaced by spontaneous chanting and glorification of Krishna, it is replaced by love. From regulation, to attachment, to pure love.

"If we simply place ourselves at the lotus feet of Krishna by taking to Krishna consciousness and keeping always in touch with Him by chanting the Hare Krishna mantra, we need not take much trouble in arranging to return to the spiritual world. By the mercy of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, this is very easy." (Srimad-Bhagavatam, 7.15.53 Purport) 

One step at a time, walking towards Radha Krishna's service and love,

your servant, gopi-bhartuh pada-kamalayor dasa-dasanu-dasah

The Holy Name is Everything

Every week many of the Mayapur devotees meet twice or more in the evening.
The youth is the most steady at attending these kirtans.
We mostly chant Hare Krishna together for as much as 4 hours. Some devotees come and go, others stay for the whole thing.
On one such evening we sang this bhajan, I am only giving you the translation here, it is very precious. I can post the Sanskrit upon request.

Madhuram Madhurebhyo (translation to an anonymous Sanskrit poem)

(1) More sweet than all other sweet things;
       more auspicious than all other auspicious things;
       the greatest purifier of all purifying things -

The Holy Name of Sri Hari alone is everything
harer namaiva kevalam

(2) The entire iniverse, from exalted Brahma down to the lowly clump of grass,
       is a product of the illusory energy of the Supreme Lord.
       The only thing that is reality, reality, again I say reality -

The Holy Name of Sri Hari alone is everything
harer namaiva kevalam

(3) That person is a true preceptor, or a true father,
       a true mother, and a true friend also
       only if they teach one to always remember -

The Holy Name of Sri Hari alone is everything
harer namaiva kevalam

(4) There is no certainty when the last breath will come
       and put an abrupt halt to all one's material plans;
       therefore it is wise to always practice chanting from very childhood -

The Holy Name of Sri Hari alone is everything
harer namaiva kevalam

(5) Lord Hari eternally dwells in that place
       where truly exalted, spiritually advanced souls
       sing in the mood of pure devotion -


The Holy Name of Sri Hari alone is everything
harer namaiva kevalam

(6) Aho! what a sorrow, what a sorrow!
       More painful tahn any other misery in the world!
       Mistaking it as mere piece of glass, the people have forgotten this jewel -

The Holy Name of Sri Hari alone is everything
harer namaiva kevalam

(7) It should be heard again and again with one's ears.
       It should be uttered over and over with one's voice.
       It should be perpetually sung and sung anew -

The Holy Name of Sri Hari alone is everything
harer namaiva kevalam

(8) It makes the entire universe seem insignificant as a blade of grass.
       It splendrously reigns supreme over all.
       It is full of eternally conscious divine ecstacy; it is supremely pure -

The Holy Name of Sri Hari alone is everything
harer namaiva kevalam

I am OK, You are OK, it's OK... or NOT

Sometimes in our devotional life dilemmas present themselves.

 I HEAR:

 "I follow the principles, it is ok to eat this, it is vegetarian, I know it has been prepared by non devotees but I will offer it and it looks very good.  It is ok; I will offer it to Krishna…  The unreadable ingredients are just flavors or preservatives, it is ok."

"It is ok to watch TV, it doesn't hurt anyone, it doesn't break any principles, it relaxes me, I know how to remember Krishna while doing these things, it is only a movie, come on...
Want to watch with us"

"It is ok to go out and party, I am not breaking any rules - most of the time...
It is my life, Krishna knows my heart, He knows I love Him."

I ALSO HEAR, FROM MY HEART::

"What is my priority?

What is the focus of my life?

Do I want to go back to Krishna in this life or... whenever I get there? “
Am I living a minimum or a maximum commitment to re-awakening my love for Krishna?

Scenic route or freeway?”

When taking the scenic route it may be said that the speed being less, there is some integral safety, accidents may not be as harmful. It may also be the mind expressing a futile attempt at dissuading us from fast tracking back to Krishna. There is a very real danger of wanting to make a few stops on the scenic route, visiting this pleasure that gratification, following the senses for yet another distraction; the focus can be easily weakened. direction can be lost. I am actually fed up with the body and mind’s constant suggestion to engage in the allurements of the scenic route I am fed up with the allurements of that route, cheating me from arriving sooner at my destination. What appears to be a safe journey is nothing more that flirting with maya, testing how strong we are in her presence. I already know the answer, I am weak, without Krishna's mercy and that of his devotees I stand no chance so why test, why flirt with maya? The beauty of my destination cannot be compared with its foggy reflection in this world. No more pit stop, no more scenic routes, I am gratefully developing disdain and contempt for these allurements.

"Please my dear Lord Krishna allow me to choose the freeway "

Do I want to be an "ok" devotee or do I want to be ecstatic, transcendental, serving Radha Krishna with unalloyed prema? The answer is clear for me. I am not satisfied to simply come to the human platform by proper behavior I want to get to my goal in this life.

Do I want to repeatedly endeavor in this material world? or am I eager to get out.

Today I pray:

“O son of Nanda, Krishna, king of the country of love, I appeal for your affection, I am your servant. I feel deep within myself that I have connection to you. I am subordinate to You, but somehow I am now in adverse circumstances. There are so many enemies within me trying to take me away from You. Therefore I cannot give my full attention to You and Your name.

At the same time I feel, from the deepest place in my heart, that you are my master. You are all and everything to me. My heart will never be satisfied without Your companionship, so I appeal to You.  I am under unfavorable circumstances. I am suffering. And without your grace I do not find any relief from my present imprisoned condition.”

 (as quoted in a lecture by H.H. Mahanidhi Swami from Caitanya mahaprabhu’ 5^th Siksastaskam prayer)

One steady step at a time, walking towards Radha Krishna's service and love,
your servant, gopi-bhartuh pada-kamalayor dasa-dasanu-dasah

Vyasa Puja

 Srila Prabhupada chanted
on my japa beads in June 1972.

  I didn't always live in Mayapur.

Once I was a teen, bewildered as to
the meaning of life,
the purpose of it all.
It was then that I came in touch with
Srila Prabhupada.

On his Vyasa Puja day, I reflect on
these memories
and how my life progressed since.
The following is my offering to
Srila Prabhupada on this day.

 

All glories to you, Srila Prabhupada!

nama om vishnu-padaya 

krishna-preshthaya bhu-tale 

shrimate bhaktivedanta- 

svamin iti namine 

namas te sarasvate deve 

gaura-vani-pracharine 

nirvishesha-shunyavadi- 

pashcatya-desha-tarine 

jogyatā-vicāre, kichu nāhi pāi, tomāra karuṇā-sāra 

“Your mercy is all that I am made of…” 

karuṇā nā hoile, kāndiyā kāndiyā, prāṇa nā rākhibo āra 

“If you are not merciful unto me, I can only weep, 

and I will not be able to maintain my life.” 

In this way, Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur sings. I will not pretend to understand love on the level of Srila Bhaktivinode Thakur’s. However, today, the meaning of his words has reached a new depth in my heart.

As I look at my life, it has been touched by your mercy at every turn, right from my youth. When finding no meaning to life, I would have just as well invited death, you rescued me with knowledge and gave my life a purpose. Then over the years, whenever I got comfortable in this illusory world, forgetting, loosing focus, de-prioritizing my beliefs, my convictions, you reminded me and drew me closer. You repeatedly sent me guides to remind me of the purpose of this life. Again and again, you invited me to take part in your mission, in some insignificant way. Today, I seek your blessings to be able to do my part by becoming a true representative, a true lover of God. 

Your mercy is inherent to my life, as I know it. Your mercy IS, all that I am made of. Yet, here I am trying to offer something to you, like a child spending the parents’ money on a gift for them, or the offering of Ganga water to Ganga mata. I have nothing to present, nothing to give, nothing but this life, which justly already belongs to you.

You are always there guiding me, from a distance. Vani is always the way of association for me, books, lectures, and messengers: representatives, husband, children, seniors, juniors, friends, strangers, other Gaudhya vaisnavas, whomever you chose to remind me of your teachings at any particular moment.

I can offer you thanks, but even if I were to offer thanks incessantly for the rest of my life, even if I had a thousand mouths to do it with, it would not change the debt I have with you. I thank you and give you my life repeatedly, please engage me in your service, grant me the intelligence to be useful.

My dearmost Srila Prabhupada, as I go through life, mechanically engaging in attempts at devotional service, mechanically following your basic instructions, while internally following my own whim, I find myself ridden with envy for my god-brothers and god-sisters, and even nieces and nephews, who seem to have such spontaneous love for you. Allow me to find a way to serve them in spite of my all-encompassing and tenacious pride, which persists at polluting all my attempts. I hanker for the guru bhakti they cherish in their heart. Where is that love for guru that reveals eternal love for Radha Krishna? Where is my guru bhakti? The feeling evades me. Let me serve you unconditionally without regards for self, with spontaneous affection.

Today everyone is offering praise to you and I stand in awe at your immensely magnanimous compassion and dare to beg for yet one more drop of mercy: Please bless me with this elusive love for guru. Let my steel framed heart become unlocked, free to learn to serve the vaisnavas and their Masters eternally.

Please once again bestow your mercy upon me.

karuṇā nā hoile

kāndiyā kāndiyā

(prāṇa nā rākhibo āra)

Anything of any consequence, of any value in my life is due to your compassion on this minute entity. Therefore, my life is yours. I beg you to consider utilizing it in your service and glance favorably on your rebellious and unqualified servant.

Your eternally indebted daughter

One step at a time, walking towards Radha Krishna's service and love,

your servant,  

gopi-bhartuh pada-kamalayor dasa-dasanu-dasah

RACISM & KRISHNA CONSCIOUSNESS

The other day someone brought up the topic of experiencing racism. It made me reflect on the topic. What is racism? Am I racist? Have I ever been the recipient of racist behaviors? Is there racism in our society? What would it be like to be discriminated upon due to something unchangeable, the body you received from Krishna – understanding it to be a result of your past activities, pious and impious, your desires.

In Krishna Consciousness, there is NO RACISM.

Am I? Are we situated in Krishna consciousness?

What is RACISM?

I started with the dictionary.

RACISM:

a belief or doctrine that inherent differences among the various human races determine cultural or individual achievement, usually involving the idea that one's own race is superior and has the right to rule others.

RACE:

a group of persons related by common descent or heredity.

It made me think in a broader way about racism. It is not a question of colour but of “common descent or heredity”. I guess when you look at it this way there are so many more “races”. The Brahmans, street sweepers, ksatriyas…. They also have a common decent and heredity.

According to the example of Caitanya Mahaprabhu, these designations are not too important. He was born in a brahmana family yet he instructed Ramananda Raya who belonged to the sudra caste and also Haridas Thakur, born a Mohamedan. Caitanya Mahaprabhu said to Ramananda Raya (C.C. Madhya 8.128):

kibā vipra, kibā nyāsī, śūdra kene naya

yei kṛṣṇa-tattva-vettā, sei 'guru' haya

"Whether one is a brāhmaṇa, a sannyāsī or a śūdra — regardless of what he is —

he can become a spiritual master if he knows the science of Kṛṣṇa."

Purport by His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada

… Actually the brāhmaṇa is supposed to be the spiritual master of all other varṇas, or classes, but as far as Kṛṣṇa consciousness is concerned, everyone is capable of becoming a spiritual master because knowledge in Kṛṣṇa consciousness is on the platform of the spirit soul. To spread Kṛṣṇa consciousness, one need only be cognizant of the science of the spirit soul. It does not matter whether one is a brāhmaṇa, kṣatriya, vaiśya, śūdra, sannyāsī, gṛhastha or whatever. If one simply understands this science, he can become a spiritual master….

Am I RACIST?

My first spontaneous answer is: “of course I am not”. Racism is ugly … so I look deeper, to make sure. Do I relate to others based on their inherited body? or do I see them as an embodied spirit soul. Do I judge people based on their vehicle, the armor around their soul? Do I see others in relation to their place of birth, their upbringing, the way they dress or do I look at the spirit soul inside, the same 1/10,000th the tip of a hair, covered with more or less layers of dressing in one colour or another. Do I fully accept everyone as they are, understanding they are not the covering I see before my eyes, not their vehicle?

Regardless of discomfort in admitting it, I am not totally free from this finer racism. I yet have to see Krishna brightly shining in everyone’s heart, equally.

“The humble sages, by virtue of true knowledge, see with equal vision a learned and

gentle brāhmaṇa, a cow, an elephant, a dog and a dog-eater [outcaste].”

(BG 5.18)

Somehow there are still times when I forget who is standing in front of me – an atma with Paramatma covered by a body – and relate to others as the body they are wearing.

Work in progress I will get there.

Have I ever been the recipient of RACISM?

I almost automatically replied that I had no experience of racism. I think I answered too hastily.

Am I ever seen or treated as woman?

Am I ever seen or treated a white Westerner?

Am I ever seen or treated as less intelligent, fat ugly, pretty....?

Am I ever seen or treated older?

Am I ever seen or treated as a married woman?

Am I ever seen or treated my children’s mother?

Am I ever seen or treated my husband’s wife?

While many of the above description may be true and even the proper way to be addressed according to social customs, they are not uplifting.

.

Why is that?

They are all relatively true assumptions of my vehicle... not Me.

I am none of the above.

Not anymore than a black man is black.

I am not this body neither is the black man his body. I am simply passing through this body just as I passed through the body of a child and that of a youth, just as I will pass into another body at death. I am something else than this body.

naham vipra na ca narapatir napi vaisyo na sudro

naham varni na ca grhapatir no vanastho yatir va
kintu prodyan nikhila paramananda-purnamrtabdher
gopi-bhartuh pada-kamalayor dasa-dasanu-dasah

" I am not a brahmana, nor a ksatriya; I am not a vaisya nor a sudra, I am not a brahmacari, nor a householder, not a vanaprastha, not a sannyasi. But since Lord Sri Krsna, the maintainer of the gopis and the overflowing ocean of nectar, is the only source of universal, transcendental bliss,

I claim to be a servant to the servant of the servant of His lotus feet."
(Caitanya-caritamrta, Madhya 13.8, Padyavali 74)

The soul can never be cut to pieces by any weapon,

nor burned by fire, nor moistened by water, nor withered by the wind.

This individual soul is unbreakable and insoluble,

and can be neither burned nor dried. He is everlasting, present everywhere,
unchangeable, immovable and eternally the same.

It is said that the soul is invisible, inconceivable and immutable.

Knowing this, you should not grieve for the body.
BG 2.23-25

Is there RACISM in our society?

Srila Prabhupada often compared the devotees to mangoes, ripe ones and green ones. yes there are green mangoes in our society.

As long as the mango is green there is a sour taste. We can compare the remnants of racism and finer racism, this identification with the body to this sour taste. The sour taste of the green mango is symptomatic of his immaturity and of its impending growth. As it ripens it disappears.

I have great hopes that all acidity will become transformed as we endeavor to chant the holy name without offense and gradually grow into full juicy ripe mangoes, humble sages, pure vaisnavas seeing everyone with equal loving vision…

One step at a time, walking towards Radha Krishna's service and love,

your servant, gopi-bhartuh pada-kamalayor dasa-dasanu-dasah

BIRTH – DISEASE – OLD AGE – DEATH

I lay in bed fighting an infection, nothing severe but the mind wanders. I had this before in Canada, let’s see how it unfolds here in the Dham.

What am I to learn from it?

I pray for the blessings of Caitanya Mahaprabhu who still dances in ecstasy daily in the field beside my room with his Harinam party after leaving Srivas's house, or walks as a child to Jagadisa and Hyranya's house just across the Jalangi looking for Visnu maha prasad rice on ekadasi. I bow before this most merciful Lord and His associates, who have allowed this soul their shelter.

These thoughts come to mind.

This body whom I have serve for so many years, is an impostor, a traitor.

Everyday of my life I serve this body. being convinced it is the self. In exchange for promises of happiness I serve this body. It is constantly competing for my attention. If by Krishna's causeless mercy, I meet with a moment of sanity wherein I engage in true Krishna smaranam, it quickly calls me to attention.

“I am tired, I am hungry,
I am uncomfortable,
I need to do something, blah blah blah....”

Time has come that I should know better than to identify with it. Who is this body parading as the self? Identifying with this body, mind and intelligence must be the hardest disease to fight. Only by Krishna’s mercy is there any hope of recovery.

Feeding it, resting it, cleansing it, clothing it, lodging it, taking it out on walks, listening to the wanderings of the mind, satisfying the intellect with trivial speculations and unnecessary understandings. Too much service is being rendered already from the so called master to its vehicle. How has the vehicle become the master? Did "I" allow this? Did "I" engineer this parody?

Now that I am getting older, it is claiming more attention. Maybe a doctor will assuage the suffering I am undergoing. May be a friend will listen to my wining complaints in hope of lessening my awareness of the pain. Not being satisfied with my service, it now seeks to employ others. It is a last effort, desperate effort to get more attention in this life than I am able to provide alone.

When will it surrender to being a medium, only a vehicle for me to render service. When will I teach it its position, instead of identifying with it? It never gets enough attention. It is pursuing Krishna’s position, the center, the cynosure of all eyes. I am servant, eternal servant, never God. This ego is false, temporary, sick. I am not this body. Aham brahmasmi, Sat Chit Ananda, one tenth thousands the size of a tip of a hair and full of eternity knowledge and bliss. Not full of pus, blood, mucus trying to be god…

This body is an embarrassment?... Really?

After tricking me into believing it was my private kingdom to reign over and enjoy, will I now have to submit to endless poking and prodding by teams of professionals exploring areas of this vehicle I vaguely knew existed. Even this embarrassment I am feeling is certainly due to identification... just as I thought I was beginning to see clearly. I still have far more work to do.

I pray for the day when this false, temporary, sick ego leaves me alone, alone with my eternal Friends, serving not it, an illusory sense of self but serving Radha and Krishna selflessly, with no attention to discomforts associated with the mind or an ill, awkward and aging body.

Dear Nrsingha deva I need your protection from my worst enemy.

He resides in and around me.

I am surrounded by this false, sick ego.

Let me find freedom from its demands and entanglement at your lotus feet.

Allow me to shed this covering interfering with my closeness to Your divine service.

Birth, disease, old age, and death may they bring me to the right destination, free from this seemingly eternal cycle. I pray to learn my lesson(s) in this life.

Back home in this life?

Today is one year since my God-brother Grahila left us to go back to Krishna. Hours before his departure in talking to a God-brother he said: "I am sorry that you have to stay and suffer, soon I will be there." It was with great anticipation for his eternal destination that he gave up eating and drinking, gave up maintaining a broken vehicle and finally departed on Papamochani ekadasi. All glories to Grahila prabhu.

Everyone who was there, felt from the core of their heart that he, an ordinary (!) faithful disciple, lover of Srila Prabhupada, achieved his goal, Krishna's eternal service and company.

Krishna let me accept the discomforts associated with this body
as a means of purification, bringing me closer to eternal service to Your devotees.

Battle is over, I raise the white flag. I raise both arms in prayer \0/.

In this moment, I surrender, as YOU wish.

I thank You for this opportunity to seek Your shelter in this most holy dham, wherein I now, and now again, welcome this purification. I pray for clarity of consciousness so that I may always welcome purification.

One step at a time, walking towards Radha Krishna's service and love,

Your servant.

JAYA SRILA PRABHUPADA

Cool summer evening
Gives glee
Rubbed off Kirtan
Sung soulfully with sweetness
Carried over by fountain-cooled breeze
Often one's reminded of miseries
Adhibhautika for one
Prickly mosquitoes representing
Also one's made aware
Of senses' limitations
Evening darkness forbids visibility
Being more pronounced in the starless sky above
Soft, green grass cushion the heat-beat feet
Yet one's buoyant spirit's undiminished
Yes, this transcendental nonchalance has been possible
Because of one compassionate Mahatma
In the honey-complexioned person
Of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada
Whom we can never thank enough
For his selfless magnanimity
In distributing Krishna consciousness to soothe the soul
Like the mid-April fountain-cooled, evening breeze

– by Sravan Kirtan das

BHAKTI SAD ACARA – INFECTIOUS COMPASSION

His Holiness Bhakti Brhat Bhagavata Swami offered a course on vaisnava etiquette. Although it is nice to be familiar with vaisnava etiquette I did not have spontaneous eagerness for the topic. I wanted to attend the course for the purpose of association and growth. So I went.

"This will be easy, I can relax and enjoy hearing Maharaj speak on Bhakti Sadacara or may be he will go off topic, I love hearing him speak in Bhagavatam class." These thoughts are going through my mind in an evil attempt at controlling how I will enjoy this class. No submissive attitude in sight, just an enjoyer mentality. I am constantly reminded of why I am in this material world instead of with Krishna, I have a desire to enjoy separately from Him. I was in for a surprise.

First day, before we even start... SURRENDER!!!

I want to sit quietly and listen. Maharaj approaches me to lead a group. “Maharaj”, I said, “I really prefer not to lead” “It will be easy, all you have to do is facilitate. Thank you. You will lead a group.” My mind is repeating his words and alternating them with my own,

“SURRENDER, you don’t need to be in control of the situation.
TRUST in Krishna.
What is coming your way is meant for you... for your purification.
You have no idea what you need.
Trust in Krishna, surrender.”

"All leaders please come to the front." says Maharaj. A good friend had also been selected as leader but she refused, she couldn’t do it. This is the moment when she backed out. So now I have my team, a group of women I mostly don’t know. My friend is not with me. That is OK, everything is according to Krishna's plan. I am choosing to accept what is coming my way. We were asked to prepare 2-4 plays enacting different situations wherein vaisnava behaviors were manifested. I have a new mantra resounding in my head:

“Surrender, surrender, surrender,
don’t wear masks, you are who you are,
nothing more, nothing less,
just do your best, it is good enough.”

Especially when I am in what I choose to see as stressful situations I have had the tendency to escape in borrowed identities but not this time. It is all due to pride, and thinking I can pretend to be better than I am. Today I will be who I am and serve the devotees by facilitating their group work, best I can, it is good enough.

“Surrender, surrender, surrender, don’t wear masks,
you are who you are, nothing more, nothing less...”

That had been my conclusion after Mahatma prabhu's forgiveness seminar. I would hang on to this new belief.

I knew I had to take this Bhakti Sadacara seminar. I didn’t quite know what to expect, what was in it for me? I would find out day by day.

The first evening as I walked around the Mayapur complex, I met another leader from the class.

“How are you doing with your team? Will you be done in time? Are you worried?”

I was worried, not legitimate worries just worried about looking good. What is the use of such a worry cluttering my mind. Then he said the magic words that set me free from the false identification my sick false ego was coaching me to assume:

“Just have fun with it, don’t worry”

Something about these familiar words just set me straight. I was for the time being, free from the grasp of pride and control. I knew it. I knew I had to relax and give up any idea of control, but I needed to hear it, Krishna takes good care of me, he sent me the right person strolling around the compound. Thank you, Krishna.

Over the 5 days, we discussed all the different aspects of Bhakti Sadacara, with a special focus on offending devotees and how to obtain forgiveness. Sometimes it was difficult to hear. There is no hope for one who has offended a devotee and is not forgiven. Somehow one must be forgiven in other to progress. Somehow find a way to be forgiven. I was remembering the story of Durvasa Muni and Ambarisa Maharaj. Only the forgiveness of Ambarisa could free Durvasa Muni. How great was Ambarisa Maharaj who saw himself as the offender, such a lesson to be learned in this story.

“if you are unable to concentrate on your japa, if you do not see Krishna
when you are chanting, there has to be an offense you are committing."

Is a vaisnava aparadha keeping me away from Krishna? an offense to a devotee? Although unworthy of forgiveness, I beg forgiveness to all those I have offended knowingly or unknowingly throughout my many lives.

I sometimes answered questions or asked questions, it felt good to not be right, to not know everything, it felt good... and especially it felt real. Maharaj is strict, with compassion.

As I went home every night I felt uplifted and would look at my day. What was said? What was done that caused this in me? It was hard to pin point. I was learning surrender and humility while Maharaj was teaching respectful vaisnava behaviors. Is it a coincidence? I receive knowledge on Bhakti Sadacara but also what I needed most, so did everyone else.

Maharaj did talk about humility on one of the days however, it was mostly through example that I was learning. First you have to be honest, no pretending (no masks), then as you learn to tolerate up to 100% you will reach humility.

trinad api sunichena

taror api sahishnuna

amanina manadena

kirtaniyah sada harih

"One should chant the holy name of the Lord in a humble state of mind, thinking oneself lower than the straw in the street; one should be more tolerant than a tree, devoid of all sense of false prestige, and should be ready to offer all respect to others. In such a state of mind one can chant the holy name of the Lord constantly." - Caitanya Mahaprabhu's Siksastakam #3

On the 4th day there was an amazing performance facilitated by the leader I had met on the first night, the "Just have fun with it" leader. The group's performance touched everyone in the room. They managed to instill strong feelings of stress, anxiety, even hatred to the audience. They had been assigned to display what a vaisnava aparadha is and were very creative, powerful. It was all pervading, the emotions temporarily covered our communal consciousness just like a thick, dark cloud. This is when I started to understand what had been happening to me, how this seminar was impacting me.

It was the getting together of more than 60 sincere devotees focused on spiritual growth that had been so uplifting. More than 60 remarkable devotees, plus one amazing leader who knew how to tame my pride, created this spiritual atmosphere that we were all able to take home with us. It was our collective energy that was so powerful, the potency of vaisnava association. An infectious compassion was entering my stone like heart.

Vanca kalpa tarubhyas ca
krpa sindhubhya eva ca
patitanam pavanebhyo
Vaisnavebhyo namo namah

I offer my respectful obeisances unto all the Vaisnava devotees of the Lord.
They are just like desire trees who can fulfill the desires of everyone,
and they are full of compassion for the fallen conditioned souls

Friendships were created, growth stimulated, offenses forgiven. Maharaj could finally relax after 5 days of being strong and stern in compassionately working with us, teaching us. We all rested as we were exhausted from the growth we just experienced and Maharaj left for Delhi en route to Africa for more teaching, more seminars.

Let this verse from Vaisnava Das, a vaisnava poet that Srila Gour Govinda Maharaja would often quote, be my inspiration:

vaisnavera guna gana,
korile jivera trana

suniache sadhu-guru mukhe

"I have heard from the lips of sadhu-guru,
if you glorify a devotee, you will be delivered very easily.
Krishna will be very pleased and you will get his mercy very easily."

Only in Mayapur do we get so many variegated opportunities for transcendental growth and training. Mayapur, a community of devotees wanting to advance in their spirituality, getting closer to Radha Madhava's pure devotional service and love.

More next time, as I slowly and happily take one step at a time towards Radha and Krishna's Love and pray for the mercy of the vaisnavas without whose mercy I am lost.

Begging to remain the servant of your servants.

Living in Mayapur, what a gift!

Cleanse your heart – Part 2

Regularly senior devotees visit Mayapur and are eager to share their knowledge and experiences. It is becoming the hub for seminars focused on spiritual growth. In Caitanya Mahaprabhu's time Navadwip was know as a center for learning and once again with the devotees' desire, this status may be revived.

We were lucky to have H.G. Mahatma prabhu with us for a short while He is an experienced preacher and senior disciple of Srila Prabhupada who is extending his compassion the residents of Mayapur by presenting these seminars.

In sharing a few statements from my notes on these seminar topics I hope that some of you will feel inspired to invite H.G. Mahatma prabhu to your area to facilitate these or other seminars for the benefit of those who surround you. He can be reached via his website, Mahatmadas.com

Fault-finding and Failures

“If you chant my name while disregarding other devotees, it is like burning
cinders being thrown at my chest” – Caitanya Mahaprabhu in Caitanya Bhagavata

We examined our heart to see what is the Cause, Pay off, and Cost, in engaging is something as hurtful to Caitanya Mahaprabhu as finding faults with other devotees. In some cases it is related to self-glorification cause by pride and low self esteem but can also be caused by lack of forgiveness. It is cyclical. Low self-esteem and pride are two aspects of the same defect and they take turn in an evil repetitive dance while inflicting pain on others and oneself.

A vaisnava never wants to criticize because aparadha creates distance between the devotee and Radha, apa-Radha, without Radha. In meditating on others' faults they enter our own heart, it hurts us. Paradoxically, focusing on our own faults helps us. Someone may wonder about the use of a personal inventory of our own defects, is it only a modern concept? According to vedic psychology, as quoted by Mahatma prabhu, defects should be presented to the buddhih, the intelligence, in this way they gradually become burnt. There is ta major difference between examining ourselves or others for flaws of character.

One may ask, what is the solution? Here are some suggestions from the course.

• Work on developing qualities such as forgiveness while the process (Bhakti yoga) is working on us
• Learn to glorify others
• Pray for our pride to be replaced with humility

In looking at how to deal with failures, we realized that we don’t need to wait for others' encouragement to go on with our progress. It can be helpful to remind ourselves of a time when we were happily engaged in service, a time when we exhibited sincerity. It is within us to be again like that.

We were given time to create a prayer to Krishna, one that is specifically addressing our own failure(s). I would have liked to present everyone’s prayer to Nrisingha deva, on a silver platter decorated with flowers. I hope they reached Him. I hope mine reached Him.

We were encouraged to move out of our comfort zone as what we want, our aspirations are beyond it.

“The greatest danger is not that we aim too high and fail to achieve but that we aim too low and achieve it” – Michael Angelo

It is not failing that makes one a failure but giving up! There are different ways to look at failure, the option is always there to see whatever we do as either a success or a learning experience. We should set our spiritual advancement thermostat higher and higher so that it doesn’t act as a boundary to our progress.

“You are your biggest obstacle to your spiritual advancement.” - H.D.G. A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Srila Prabhupada

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a feeling situated between humility and compassion it is an integral part of Bhakti. Where there is no forgiveness there can be no Bhakti. This understanding is from Jaiva Dharma by Srila Bhaktivinode Thakur.

“Only when I can properly honor all living entities will I be able to
chant properly and all my offenses will cease.” – Srila Bhaktivinode Thakur

Forgiveness can be seen as giving up any hope of a different past.

By holding on to resentment one can re-experience the hurtful feelings repeatedly. The one who initially caused the pain is free from these feelings; we alone are experiencing the pain again and again. We are self inflicting this pain.

During this seminar some of us realized that it was ourselves we could not forgive due to a belief we alone created. Others had to face their resentment towards others. As the two full days on forgiveness went on, gradually, we could see faces become brighter, free from resentment. Eventually, most of us left without the baggage we came with, or at least lighter.


Forgiveness is a choice. Forgiveness is my choice.

More next time, as I slowly and happily take one step at a time towards Radha and Krishna's Love.


your servant of the servants

Living in Mayapur, What a gift! - Cleanse your heart Part 1

Living in Mayapur, what a gift! 

Cleanse your heart – Part 1

In previous posts I showed how fortunate it is to be here because of the places you can visit, because of the dham basis, because of the spiritual atmosphere that is ready to ornate every activities one performs. Now let me tell you about other opportunities for growth.

At the end of December, H.G. Mahatma prabhu was visiting Mayapur. He joined Iskcon in 1969 and has served as temple president, book distributor, sankirtana leader, college preacher, membership director, and VIHE teacher and co-director. He is well known in Iskcon for his recorded music and his seminars.

He is the founder of Touchstone Training, a company that teaches the practices of devotional service through interactive seminars and worships. He is also a facilitator in Bhagavat Life, producers of live and online workshops and japa retreats. Although he currently lives in Alachua with his wife Jahnava and daughter Brajasundari, we are hoping they will move to Mayapur by the fall. He can be reached via his website, www.mahatmadas.com

Mahatma prabhu was meeting up with a group of pilgrims from UK. As part of their pilgrimage package over the Christmas holiday they were to spend time on 3 mini seminars with him:

1. Japa

2. Fault finding and failures

3. Forgiveness.

JAPA

It was the residents’ good fortune that the seminars were opened to them although scheduled primarily for the UK pilgrims. Two afternoons is not a lot to discuss the importance and glories of the holy names but it is a start.

“When you chant…. chant.”

That was the opening statement. We went on to discuss the importance of attention while chanting and also how prayer need not be overlooked. Krishna and His holy names are present before us. While one should not see the Lord as a merchant, “I will chant 16 rounds and you give me…..” It is proper to ask for 2 things: “How can I serve You?”, “How can I love You?”. In the course of wanting to serve Krishna we may need to get rid of pride, attachment etc, we will need to trust and surrender.  Krishna may at His will bless us with strength to overcome our anarthas or help us achieve humility, trust, surrender...

We created an image to help us understand how to chant. What does belong in our heart at that time and what doesn’t.

 

Srila Bhaktivinode Thakur says in Harinam Cintamani that it is not possible for one to control the mind. However if a sincere devotee asks Krishna for His help, Krishna Himself will step in and help.

In conclusion, Mahatma quoted H.H. Sacidananda swami is saying that chanting is more than a process, chanting is relationship, Krishna is there, and we are there, two means relationship. We should chant as though we are knocking at the door of an estranged beloved wanting to start our relationship again.

There is much more I could share about this seminar but will stop here suggesting that if you ever get the opportunity to attend a japa seminar, it might change your life. You may learn how to invite Krishna to join you in your japa, a time spent together.

The alternative is to stay with your mind and let Krishna stay far away, which one do you choose?

More next time, as I slowly and happily take one step at a time towards Radha and Krishna's Love.

your servant of the servants